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Am I Invincible to you? The countless times I heard you scream. It breaks my heart like a shattered glass. What wrong have I done again to just keep you going on... There's never a day I would feel proud of myself with the things and words you say of me. Am I such a letdown in your eyes or in many? Many a times, I stopped to think that you were once proud of me I think back now... none. What could I do to make me a better one for you? To study harder and be like your first? I wish someone could tell me. I was never smarter nor wiser. I was never good at many things, but I know I tried. But guess it didn't matter much to you. I was just a letdown. Times when I was lost and down, I tried to be independent and work hard to be a successful person like you wished. I am still trying while you are at the other side bringing me down. It feels like a letdown in your eyes, never good enough for the ones I loved. Cheap and a letdown were what i got. The impression of chasing me out was somehow reflected on your mind. Remember the time when you wanted to send me to a girl's home, just because I did something wrong. Was that your dream to just let me go... and believe in your whole life that I was just a letdown to you. When I worked hard and be who i am today. I was told I worked like shit and my pay was low. I was told to change my job and what I got is what I deserved for not studying hard enough. Isn't there why fate brings me here? To realise what I want to do in my life. I believed that God made plans for me, and this is one of them. To learn through the hard work and be part of children's life. Is this what i deserve for the hard work i had in school. In this entry, I wrote endless words of letdown.. And that's what I feel I am to you. I walked away not because I didn't want to hear but I felt you didn't understand. And when I tried to explain, would anyone hear? I'm sorry I can't be perfect to you in earning big bucks, being successful like your first. I'm trying, not only to earn for myself. But trying to just be myself and be independent. So much for a happy ending. Maybe it was never meant to be. This is reality where dreams are brought down, where words spoken are hurtful where actions are misunderstood and tears shed are endless. Welcome to my life... This is me..... I'm trying to live my life for you. I'm trying to work hard. I'm trying to study hard. I'm trying to save. I'm trying to be happy. I'm trying to be home. I'm trying to smile. I'm trying to talk. I'm trying to spend time. I'm trying to listen. I'm trying to accept and change. I'm trying to successful. I'm trying to be like your first. I'm trying ..... Do you even see? or do you still see I'm useless in your eyes. I lost myself once again. Maybe I was never good enough for the man i love. I lost my confidence in making you proud. I lost some of my love I have for you. I never would say I hate you nor I'll curse you. It never crossed my mind. But as I write this, endless tears are rolling down. No one knows but me. I'm hurting inside and wished you understood how much your words mean to me, how it hurt my inner being how it made me lose my confidence in myself and how much i did love you. I still thank god for you in my life. And I wished god could spend some time with me to make me feel love and give me strength again. To get over this and be a stronger person. All I need is some space to breathe and bring those tears into smiles of joy and love. I wish god was there with me and lend me a shoulder and tell me that everything is going to be alright. At times like this, I feel Mama right next to me. Holding my hand like how she always does. I know she is right here watching me and praying for me. "Lord give me strength to find peace and love, give me comfort to live my life. Dry those tears so that hurt would fade away.."
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+*In Perfect SiLence*+
+*inteRest*!+
+*LookinG ARounD*!+
+*BoreD?*+
Click on START first, and wait till the background color changes. Once it changes, hit STOP! The addiction starts here..
+*Weren't they just memories?*!+
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*RAmblinGs oF a bEaUtiFuL LeTdoWn@ 7:15 PM*