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I broke down in church
as I heard the people sing "I will run to you" It went... "And I will run to you, to your words are true" I felt a piercing needle in my heart It pierced so badly, only I knew the pain It was a fast moment but a moment that was slowly urging one to fall fall in the mind and tears. Where do I run now? I heard a voice that whispered "Be strong and believe in me the tears will come days might heal..." Then I felt Mama was holding me when I sang the our father telling me she's here always here... I closed my eyes... I saw the image of the funeral where Chaechae jo was talking to mama I recalled every moment of that day I saw every moment that happened recently I broke inside... deep inside.. It wasn't hurt and anger But broken inside.. Who knows.... God will take me....
The nights are getting more emo I can't sleep ever since the day I'm tangled up I wished I downed vodka now so I may sleep I saw the temptation island when I closed my eyes I saw the peaceful sky and beautiful clouds where my heart really spoke I can't turned to drinking this time I promised to be strong to live But I'm breaking.... Behind the smiles lies a lost soul I'm trying to find me back. Lost and tangled caught up with people around and not myself I pray for strength for a weak like me I don't know what to do anymore God... save me Think Pickleberryfairy and Lala had too much drinks to drain our emotions... it works for the moment how about the future?
On an exhausted Saturday night, I blog away with the music grooving in my ears. The beats are still on my mind... It's been a while. Time check: 6.15pm Lala's got new fishes that was caught in the drain next to my school. Colourful and redish! Total: 15! My new darling fishes. Headed home from school yesterday with them, hoping they will like their new home. The plan for the night: Drinks at Colour and off to Cocco Latte Well, before Dolor picks Lala up, Lala decides to do 100 skipping, 50 sit ups and a run at 6.15 when she was suppose to meet Dolor at Errr.... 7.15? Grinz!
Time check: 9pm A nice walk down Boat Quay and the amazing view creates amazing surprises. Went over to Colour where Xiao Bao was working.Nice chill out atmosphere and a strong touch of Martini lychee made for me!Not forgetting the tequila sunrise that begins our night. Met a couple of Xiao Bao friends... one who meditates after a bailey's, one who has nice Bangkok necklace, one who wants a night with Dolor (p/s: he's a dude!) and simply May and her gf who's all so nice and sweeT! Time check: 11.30pm Arrival at Cocco Latte with a long wait for a tipsy Pickleberryfairy who nearly took a cab home and a whole lot of people we met while waiting. As so the night begins with a packed up grooving and hell lot of people. Squeeze squeeze squeeze... while Dolor goes missing Pickleberryfairy and Lala decides to squeeze in the crowds for some atmosphere to dance. Lost Xiao Bao in the crowd a couple of times, I think the only thing I remembered was seeing her sign and sign, asking her to dance and downing the vodka redbull from her jug.The music... simply the kind that gets you grooving endlessly. The crowd... hot, sweaty and simply tipsy. And there goes Lala... singing and dancing back in Dolor's car. As you can see... I don't recall much! I just groove to the beat.....
For those who missed I haven't gone anyway, just drifted from reality My body's drained Feel the collapse anytime soon Piled with work and late nights with L word I'm drowning myself with endless work load that.... maybe one day I'll rest and never see the world. I dreamt of white roses and a nice cross that read "Amazing grace" I dreamt of the temptation island where the sun shone on us the beach was a peaceful sight that ease the pain When will I ever stop? I see time pass me by People come and go For all the people I met this week They were strong and happy in their own lives. I could never see me being that once again But I moved to know I could never be who you wanted me to be or maybe I never was what you wanted me to be For all the moments we got stuck, cheers to Pickleberryfairy and XiaoBao for tomorroe we'll drink our hearts to Martinis for the music calls the beats... the night's still young We're taking a step at a time Away from the people we loved for cherish wasn't what we saw. We just were not the people we wanted them to be. On behalf on dolor's driving safety, We'll feed her with some juice and a quarter tequila sunrise. And.... off we go.... to our merryland.... Photos will be up... lots of them... L word's got a upper hand of my indulgence.. Awww.. Shane... hot hot... freaking hot!
Thankyouforyourloveandcare. Iknewyouallwerealwaysthere. Istillcryalot butIpraysomedaythingswouldbebackagain ToPickleberryfairy,Dolor,Xiaobao.Thanksforallthecomfortandlove. EspToDolorwhobringsmetopsychopeopleandmademelaughfor3hoursinarow Idon'tknowhowyoudoitdolor.Butyoumademyminddriftawayfrompain. Tomyfamilyespeciallymysister,foralltheloveushowedmethismorning. IknownomatterhowmuchIhurt,youallknowIam. Themusicindolor'scarbringsthebeatofsomegroovingmoments MakesmethinkofZoukandsomemartinilycheeetodrownthesenights Doesn'tthisalwayshappen 23julyisadayIthinkofthings where23wasthedayIwentwithsomeoneIlovedbeforeafewyearsback. andwheregodplanned23rdagainasthefirstdateforyouandme. Whatwoulditbetoday? HeadingtoStAnne'stovisitMama, whenLala'sdown,Mama'salwaysonmymind. Fleamarkettoday,lotsofwalking,dinnerwithPickleberryfairy andhopefullysomezouk. Ican'tstayhomewherememoriespourandpicturesaroundaintwhattheyseemtobeanymore. whereIstillseeyousmilingatme whereIstillseeyoulyingasleepbehindme Ithoughtofyouthewholeofyesterday onwhatyouwouldbedoing Whereyoufeelingthesamewaytoo? Ican'tdowhatIcandoanymore Asone'sMsnnickwas "Apartofmehasdied" andIneverthinkIcanfinditbackagain. "Eventhebestfalldownsometime,eventhestarsrefusetheshine" For the little ones at school, thanks for brightening me up yesterday. For making me your fairy and telling me how much you all love holding my hand and kissing me goodbye. I could not ask for more. Your pictures will be up soon soon... pictures with dolor's place too.... When Lala gets into photoshop mood...
An sleepless night I lost myself at school. Of all of the 4 hours I spent with my kids. We run, played water, jump around and simply laid down after all that's been done. I'm drained, physically, mentally, emotionally. Thanks dolor for staying up the morning till I got to work. Away as this entry begins I found that empty feeling that filled my room. I'm heading out in an hour with dolor with no sleep, no food and just tears Each time they asked "Where's he" I lost myself here and drift away. The silence would just answer. I'm gone away from here.... to somewhere I wished I would find myself. As one would say "Move on with life" I'm stucked in this corner been there before but this corner are just four white walls I faced with no where to run. I wished I had a pen where I drew the story on these walls. As I drew, the walls would only feel my pain through this pen. Back to where I am now, these four walls would be just white. Without a source of colour or spark, but simply pureness within my heart that fills the love. I guess it wasn't meant to be me to draw the story. It would be 16 days from today But, I lost, I fell and I died.
As I sat in this empty room It felt like blood gushing to my brain I'm in this room where only the walls hear and the morning just begun Every second is a burning soul I'm crashing right down I guess ...... that's all I can ever be not knowing how the sunrise really looked ....
A whole long week of endless events that crossed my lives. Neither big or small. But events and people that changed my life one way or another. It made me see how much the precious ones around me loved me and how much it was to look at life with joy and comfort. Though tears come once in every few nights. I pray to be stronger as a person. I found out the three who lived in me. Avril, Rae-anne and Lala 3 various gurlies who simply have moods that switched like hell. Funny how people see it... Work is been busy as I'm handling my whole class myself and of course helping the k2 in the afternoon till late. In addition, extra money to add a little spice to my bank account. Tuition! And hey, near my place! Why not? My relationship with clement has been on and off. 11 month and the rough patches are coming and going. Well, guess fate would decide isn't it? Fate, love, time and trust... Isn't that what everyone wished for. Tomorrow will be chilling with my Pickleberryfairy at her place *For all the times, you flew by my window. I thank god for that! I don't know what I'll do without you girl!* For tonight, It'll be my cough mixture, my pillow, my iPod and my alarm to give me a wakey wakey! Good night world.
 As I wished I was at sea where the sounds of waves would move my heart It's been a while since this day My emotions endlessly flowed Eyes are tired so is my heart Where would this road lead me? My life seems like it took a twisted turn where sometimes my mind doesn't know where to begin I'm caught. Need someone to save and hold me Feels like an empty room full of many memories that mind's full and unspoken tears. Where can I run to? Wish prayer would fill this room where comfort and strength is what I pray. Unspoken tears with a unsound mind I wish you could stay a little longer. I'm all at sea... where maybe that's where I wanna be
 As the Pickleberryfairy says.. Lala hasn't been blogging. Well, Lala had a great weekend meeting up with Pickleberryfairy, dolor and fwen! *Yawn* Saturday's day hitted off well with novena, cartel's lunch, seeing nikki dearest, then dolar came, then suntec we headed then.. dolor's fwen joined us. Apparently, Lala was trying to capture the 4 lifts of Pan Pacific hotel at one shot! The picture came out crap! Then sunday came with a day with baby and headed for mass. Mass was awesome, God was there, Mama was there. Lala was there. *Yawn* Long day today Nice day today Good night today what a day today!
The clock ticks non stop as I wished I could sleep. Non stop working till 5pm plus rushing back home and rushing back to Siglap for Mummy's dinner. The amount of crab we ate... Think we're end up looking like one. 10.39pm. Tired, full and simply uncomfortable. Don't ask me why. Apologizes to Pickleberryfairy for tuaing her today, at least you knew I didn't sleep on you. Yawn! There I go again. Tomorrow is photo taking for Teacher Avril and her kids. Long day with some chilling out to do tommoroe. Finally the weekend's here, Sunday's here. I taught my kids height today and asked them how tall they would like to be. One kid asked:" How tall are you Teacher Avril?" I replied with reluctance "Er.. 154 or 155cm? She smiled, discussed with the rest of the girls and they wrote their answers. When they handed up the paper as a group, another said "You know, we all write your height cause we all want to be like you." Looking confused I said "Huh? Why... I'm rather short you know, you can actually me taller than me!" Then she said: "Cause we like you and you look like the little mermaid, the name almost the same also." *Blushed* "Me a mermaid?" I replied, "silly girls!" Well an innocent comment from the kids always bring a smile despite knowing it aint true. So why would I ever complain about my job? Why would any teacher would? Cause they can't handle them? Or they are NOT cut to be a teacher. I know of one who only know how to complain about teaching when in fact she thought it was such a child's play. Well, for all the times you looked down on teachers and low education people, this is for you: A bitter taste to endure. To the teachers: When there's a time you feel down and stress, think about the times the kids made you smile and remind yourself "Not everyone can be a teacher, it takes courage, patience, uniqueness and individuality to be one" Not saying I am of all the good qualities, I'm still reminding myself that! By the way, it's Clement and my 11 months anniversary today. Yes, before we know it.. 11 months just zoom past us. So how mind reader? Wanna consider the silent killer? As so you say "You know it makes sense"
 The After school Adventure *PiNNed uP by tHe drAgONfLies*
 Lala and her web *PiNNed uP by tHe drAgONfLies*
The weekend with LaLa....
Mass was different without the usual priests and of course without a voice, I had to shut my mouth and not sing! Welcome back to church the holy one! It was a car ride from one end to other after mass... Bedok to Bukit Timah back to Pasir Ris. Yesh! that's how free 2 teachers and a joey joe joe was. It's a holiday, no school and school for dolor. OOpsy? Did I say dolor had school today? Pickleberry and Lala said their goodbyes and headed home for somedrag and DrOooP lesson besides getting some amusement with 9 shot fun.  The teacher's holiday... Monday Monday! Library Monday with Mummy and Daddy! The work will never stop despite the one day break and not forgetting Lala's Drag and droOp discovery with Digi. Heading over to Pickleberry's in abit For some gym gym gym! And a session on how wishes may come true when you wait long for buses and seeing a falling star. *winks*
 *PiNNed uP by tHe drAgONfLies*
On Vineland past the candle shrine that burns on every night for someone she lets herself go like an angel in the snow she lays down on her back, down on her back she goes On Vineland past the candle shrine that melts into the street design she wait, for someone tonight she will give herself away she will break apart all by herself Its so easy how we come undone Take me over when I am gone Take me over make me strong Take me over when I am gone will they burn for me She pulls me in and strips me down She pulls me in and turns me out She pulls me in and strips me down to the ground Will they burn for me?  Currently Listening to: Dishwalla (Candleburn) Back to bed Drowsy says the meddy Shoo the rain for Lala's heading out with Joey for a good laugh and chat Away we go down town Would we see stalkers? Or simply suckers? Crude it might be Doesn't matter to us. We're two happy people going down town. For you dearest... I miss you. Can't wait to cook for you tomorrow. Lala slips away into "Sleep mode"
Friday night with Lala having a quiet date with my sofa and medicine. Well, I've lost my voice, appetite, taste bud and simply lost my energy. What more can I do? To discovery channel, to MTV, to watching dvd to waiting patiently for 10pm. I'm missing you. u miss me? Channel surfing aint fun without u. Caught "The truth about cats and dogs" Catch it if you can. Pretty good show that got me thinking about.. What is love? Pretty babes or cute dudes? Sex? Money? Temptation? Trend? Security? Etc etc.. List goes on. Honestly, I've been in love twice in my life. First was years back with a dude that I admire for his ability to stand up for friends. The relationship didn't work. But I guess it made me look further to whom I hope would come by my life and make me feel loved again. Been in and out of relationships or rather it's called domestic relationship. Where often people relate that term to happening with someone yet not in a relationship. Well, fate brought me to three Js. Fate brought light to my life that somehow, after all that i've been through with these 3 people, it wasn't a feeling I felt with the first love. It's hard to explain if you really know what I mean. Love is unexplainable. It brings a smile even when u miss the person so badly. It's thoughts just make you weak yet strong in heart to want to tell the person how much he means to you. That is love that is simply "Speechless" Hope you get the picture. God brought me to meet someone that I simply just agreed with my heart "I don't think he's my kind" A friend replied "You never know" Somehow when I see her she always felt I'll end up with him since the first day I met him. So then .. comes little teases, little mistress and mistra. Then come exchanging of phone numbers and emails. Typical love story isn't it. First date for a movie? then come the litthe hugs and cuddles. Well, it's not the starting of a love story I would go on and on. Our relationship was ........ i guess only we know what it was. It went on till he met someone else... and there .. it ended on the spot. Heart shattered moments,took me a while. I felt the hurt that I had years back where Someone I loved left me for another. Life goes on. I told myself, love isn't everything. Met new people, moved on., trying to forget him. Within months... a msg just set my heart beating again. Once again, I met up with him. I never lost my feelings for him, I just had it aside. Spent lots of quiet moments together before he really had to move on.. The last few days with him, packing his stuff and just walking down streets. Those were the days of our lives (Copied from Pickleberryfairy) As tears left the airport that night, I wished him well and happiness. Fate took a twist with the calls from him, all night non stop MSN. I was falling.... in love with him just like the first time we hugged. 6/7 August... a day of simply bliss, fate and amazement. I never thought I could feel that love that I felt before. The love I feel now, is endless bliss that I have never felt. A feeling no one has ever given me before. It's not about gifts or reports. It was about care shown from the very heart.... his heart. It was scoldings on how I shouldn't eating things when I'm coughing It was about the little snuggles u showered me when I'm sick. It was not giving up. It was about love U got me, my heart, my everything. For all the times we fought and lost ourselves. I thank god for making us realise how important we are to each other how much we care and love. It amaze me. and i hope it did for you. So that's my love story for Friday's edition of Lala's ramblings. Got your story to tell? Read this somewhere..... Take a look at it.
We do not always express our love. Love is a feeling and the expression of that feeling is separate. It’s an action. There’s a practical reason we don't always express our love for another. It’s an issue of TIME. We only have 24 hours in a day (if you make it up that way). If the expression of love was a core ingredient to love, we would have to be stingy with who we loved, because there simply wouldn’t be enough time to demonstrate our love for everyone! If you see the distinction between the feeling and the expression, you can then love endless numbers of people. What YOU can do to improve your relationships.
There is more I wanna learn, to wanting to love him more and cherish him the right way. There is more to trust then to just say i do. It's about courage to let go and believe. And that's what I'm learning and it makes me indulge in my self confidence in what we have. I can't wait to hear your voice. Good night world. For baby's home and Lala's sleepy. Got a date with Joey for being her adviser for the Saturday! Finally some time away from the east!
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+*In Perfect SiLence*+
+*inteRest*!+
+*LookinG ARounD*!+
+*BoreD?*+
Click on START first, and wait till the background color changes. Once it changes, hit STOP! The addiction starts here..
+*Weren't they just memories?*!+
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*RAmblinGs oF a bEaUtiFuL LeTdoWn@ 11:28 PM*
