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*Drained*
Mentally, physically and emotionally Would you ever understand where I stand now, what I feel or what I say When I thought time was the last on my mind I was wrong *Drained*
It's one of those sundays where lazing was just the perfect word to just let the Nano groove in your ears and you just stone where I realised holidays have just begun with a lil left over work to officially start with A hundred and forty pictures upload where do I even start! I had a fantasic overnight camp with my kids and a perfect birthday booze gathering with the gurlies last night Wishing my Pickleberryfairy was there too! (Despite knowing she's grooving to the clubs in KL) Come December, a whole lot of planned events Thumper, Her story, Joey's grad, Fashion show, Jadey's Bbq Christmas shopping, 2006 planning, Egeria and Fel's arrival, and of course, spending time with my family... "Swing swing swing" as All American Rejects sing I'm off for lunch with Joey and an evening with God So many things to say and do... *will upload the pix soon people!*
It's just one of those nights
Where she find myself submerging her head in the deep waters She wonders why she would ever have that thought
And finally!!!! Some time off to sit and stare at this com of mine Been so busy that I haven't had time to even drink water Not being paid a million thousands for my job but it's the time of the month! Not periods, nor a time to complain yet! a time where meeting parents and discussing about progress, development and so fro When will it ever end? Camp starts tommorroe and even though I'm excited This cough and voice of mine aint helping me right now The bugger flu and excuse me...... I haven't been drinking! In fact the last time I drank was at least 2 months back. A dearest loved one came across something unexpected that made her life changed within a night and made me think what love was really all about As much as I was once in her position, I was once in his position too. About trust, lies, honesty, love and respect. How could one ever have all these qualities when they claimed they loved? No matter how much one could forgive and move on? At the back of the head, wouldn't one ever wonder Seeing her cry, I lent her my shoulder the same way she stood by me when I cried over another From a sister to a sister, I felt her pain The pain of seeing things that weren't expected the back flashed back, how one could be so god damn good to another yet played a mind fooling game in the past so much for "loving and would understand some day" I finally understood what they meant and what I need right now Enough of this, enough of all I once believed I had enough, get out and leave...... from a sister to a sister "I know how it feels and I feel that pain of yours to find out and things and link them all up to events it brought us to see that things happened for a reason we find things unexpectly cause God led us there to narrow the questions we have on our mind and to make a path of a happier life You once said "It's his loss to let go of someone who was willing to sacrifice her life for his. It's his loss of choosing someone else instead of someone who loved him with all her heart It's his loss for giving up someone who was willing to change It's his loss, not yours. What goes around comes around, it's about fate, having true love and time" I'm saying the very same thing now to you. Easier said than done But, god will make you stronger in heart and mind. He did for me, and he's still healing me. He will heal you too." A short weekend and some time off away from work Funfair was tiring yet successful Managed to raise funds, get free ice cream and of course balloon party and not forgetting the Arsenal ice jelly incidents! Scene one: This ang mo father came up and asked "What's this?" so then i replied "Oh! is ice jelly with cocktail" He looked at my Arsenal jersey and said "So u're an arsenal fan" I nodded "yeap!" He replied "that's great! I am too... Ok then, give me 2 ice jellies" *So jersey gives a boost to sales!* Scene two: Another father comes up with a son and said "Ice jelly huh? Homemade?" I replied "yeah, and you should try it cause it taste good!" the little son said " I want ice jelly!" the father said "Ok, give me one for my boy and extra two to take away since you're an Arsenal fan too" *Grinning* "Great! you won't regret it" I replied The father asked" So I guess your fav player is Henry" I shaked my head and replied "Nope! I adore Pires ever since I became an Arsenal Fan" He looked at me in surprise "Really? You're rare! great to hear something different from a Arsenal gal fan" *Smiles* At the back of head 'Lucky son! U got the jersey I want!' Managed to spend some quiet moments with Joey this weekend after a whole long week of busy work loads we had Caught Harry Potter despite the massive booking all around! Well, the good thing about internet booking! *at 8am* Had to run around the library looking around for books on fishes My nano's running out of batt and my dear phone's using up my time! At least I never need to send MMS or download those crappy ring tones The use of a MMC card which I finally found a good use to it! The words are "Upload, upload, upload" A daily routine of uploading - My Nano - My Digi - My Phone I think I need some space to "upload" my energy for another week! till then.... I'm missing my special someone *Today was great* Muacks!
I've been bugged by the flu bug! *Confused*
Restless and bitter about everything around me My inflamed throat is giving me a bad night that it spoils my mood of even talking I hope my Pickleberryfairy is feeling better now though the bug has arrived in Pasir Ris to attack Darn the vitamins, aint helping this weak body of mine after getting chicken pox Hopefully the lemon honey I bought would ease some pain. Been blinded by pictures that needs to be arrange for the parent teacher conference and with the kids photo Christmas cards that are surprise mails for their parents.. the pictures are endlessly uploading and nicely left in folders to burn. 2 weeks more to a sort of holiday for me.... with a 5 days home alone week! I'll work harder and not give up!!!!!!!! *Bleah* Back to picture arranging.... Hello pictures, good bye sleep.
A Monday blues with lil tender loving care...... As Pickleberryfairy labelled her blog "Where there is no where else to turn to" Lala turns to rambling her utter most emotional thoughts listening to those Chinese love songs that seem so perfectly smoothing I'm a lil sucker for chinese /cantonese songs these days From S.H.E to Jay chou, to tunes that an old one downloaded, I guess I finally got the courage to those old tunes that brought back the memory lane. Currently suffering from a bad cold and a slight cough, I'm praying I'm not catching the flu bug like my poor fairy! *Sneeze* An update of everything that's happening, three words "No freaking idea!" I'm in a state of denial of handling the reports on hand, files that need to be update, photos that needed to be arranged, planning of activities and endless job load. As many of you are rushing, so does Teacher Avril and her silly thought of having an imaginary fwen to assist me in my work! A comforting note: 2 weeks more to the holidays with my two bitches that are coming back to Singapore! *Yippeee* with a week of having the whole house to myself What else can Avril be dreading with..... 1. The work schedue next year in relation to the extended hours 2. Having a k2 class finally despite the pressure of draining them to get used to Pri 1 3. Not forgetting, researching on the MOE's system! 4. Getting started on my degree next year though I did look into a previous place that offered Monash degree in Early Childhood Studies. But my mind is still fixed on the degree I deferred this year with Drama and Theatre, Film And Fiction, Special needs, Social policy etc etc. And after which moving on to the Masters of Science in EArly Childhood Education. I feel old! Almost old... old to be wiser, old to think and old enough to find matured individuals around me and old enough to see things (as some would say) We'll see how it goes! (",) 5. Dolor's leaving for Perth in February, though it's not a comfirmed decision. It would be one of the things I would dread! Cause Cause..... *SOoooooooooooooo LoOooooong* 6. As a year older, more responsibilities, more opportunies, more matters to look into and of course looking forward for Christmas! Despite, my mama aint here, I know she's smiling at me from up above. And of course, the new / old peeps that I got to know or meet up again.... Those who never failed to stand by me when I fell so hard. 7. Dreading and fearing that ONE DAY, my baby aint bringing me for a kite flying session with a picnic! That's a big HINT for u!!!! and to my bestie Pickleberryfairy GET WELL SOON!!!!!!! cause Lala misses you! CONCLUDED THAT THIS WEEK IS: 'SICK BUG WEEK' Have you been BUGGED too?
A fantastic Sunday with a lil rushing here and a lil rushing there Car hopping from Tampines to Church then to Simei Well, at least we managed to get the phones and of course get to church early for a carpark to end off A good dinner at Simei Yummy! Never better! The reflection of mass this week: "Where do you think we can find the ideal woman?" On the covers of glamour magazines? on TV or movies screens? In the halls of political power? *Something to think about for you?* To the married woman and the single woman, to the young woman and the elderly woman, to those working inside and outside the home, to those woman with or without children, this short poem presents a beautiful ideal. It paints a picture of strength and dignity, of caring and compassion, of responsiblilty and trust, of love and unity. And most important of all, this ideal woman places God first, both in her daily activities and in her heart. Are you that WoMaN?
"We all try so hard to be strong or free or safe, or whatever it is we think we need most... and in the end all we can ever be is just us. And it's enough because it has to be. There's not anything else." Anne River Siddons
T.A.M.P.I.N.E.S *hopefully not stepping in that home ground for 2 weeks* 6.45am: Darn the alarm and hello to the good cold morning! 7.40am: Rushing out with my Nano blasting just to wake me up! 8am: Arrival at work, preparation for 9am's orientation 9am - 11.30am: busy at work, new kids, christmas stories 11.45am: Dolor picks me up for lunch with her homely peeps 12.30pm: Browsing and browsing Dolor wants me to blog my sorrows on how to check out a salesgirl while helping to pick up a earring *Bleh* 3pm: "Can we go home now?" Dolor's daddy calls for SOS at Best Denki 4.10pm: 3 phones, heart aching Dolor despite the bill aint going to her 4.45pm: Home sweet home K.O after all that shopping 6.15pm: Alarm rings *We're late!* Quick quick quick 7.10pm: A ride from Dolor's dad 7.15pm: In session with "Just like heaven" Predictable ending: the touch of the hand, rooftop garden and the kiss 10pm: Finally back home Clearing the pix on my phones, storing numbers, deleting numbers Charging and updating Nano Uploded new pics on blogger *Sneeze* An urge to prebook the Harry Potter tix 1am: Logging off and a good night's sleep *Despite the high interest you decided to charge me every minute and not accepting any of it! Thanks for the phone Uncle!*
Tired eyes tonight What do the eyes mean to you? A sudden thought stuck this clueless mind Look into the eyes of someone and tell me what you see Eyes of happiness Eyes of sadness Eyes of lonliness Eyes of jealousy Eyes of anger Eyes of revenge Eyes of cheerfulness Eyes of discomfort Eyes of pureness Eyes of security Eyes of hurt Eyes of love Eyes of hatred Eyes of confusion Eyes of bliss Eyes of loyalty Eyes of unfaithfulness Eyes of truth Eyes of lies What do those eyes say Do they mean what they look? or does everyones' eyes just an image on the outside Do they ever mean what they look Would they ever see what's around them or within them for every reason, they looked in that way for a reason No one would ever know except you yourself. A friday on a topic of eyes Do the eyes ever bore you? Do they ever made you see what's truly around you or made you see people in their honesty and truth I'm a confessed individual I saw what I had to see, hated what I once saw Through these confessions I'm glad I found my way back to these eyes They made me see you in your most "honest" ways how your "love" was and I tried to be your "perfection" when you tried to be that "truthful individual" Prayers saw through these eyes and God healed the painful sight Thank God for these eyes.... it made me a happier person
Too tired to handle
An exhausted mind and An aching body Interrupted work Nano's grooving good music Restless thoughts A screaming heart Pissed off people Strength is what I need Need a break from all this Someone save my soul
 Caught SAVING FACE last night at Cini with Dolor, Lil Bao and Rosa *Offically had NO WORK today!* Rating: *A must catch show!* Sorry kiddos below 21, it's rated The weekends' been a blast! Finally met up with my lovely peeps on Sat and Sun and of course the kiddos's concert at Singapore conference hall on Sat Simply stressful yet a success the loudest applause and the many praises Finally it's over for dance rehersals and last minute rushing Less than a month to the holidays in other words another 3 weeks of work Parent teacher conference, kids evalaution files, camp What else would Avril be busy with? Yesh yesh, more quizes and pix for Rosa *Beeeeeeee* Uploaded a total of 113 pix for just 2 days and of course my indulgence with my Nano *Awfully sweet* Will update on the bloggie with the pix... But meantime Check out Chicken Little in Cantonese Thanks To Pickleberryfairy Dolor and I finally found the song in the hp advert with that chicken in it! *Numa numa* Currently in a grooving chicky mood
The word 'Ironic' lies within the subconscious mind Stuck within the dreams and reality According to my horoscope it says "How can you be true to yourself, if you're not sure who you really are? And, how can you be true to anyone else? If another person is in a similar state of uncertainty, how can they be true to you? Too often, we base supposedly deep relationships on flimsy pretexts, shallow assumptions and convenient pretences. We provide for each other what we feel is wanted of us. We want, in return, what we imagine we ought to want. Something more meaningful is emerging in your life now. Don't fear it"
of self mindedness, sad thoughts, of prejudice, egotistic, and pure physical or emotional agony that's running through their lives. What are we then when we look at ourselves? Read these lines from a book I'm reading "What is life?" "Life is a test, life is a trust and life is temporary assigment Character is both developed and revealed by tests, and all of life is a test. You are always being tested. God constantly watches your response to people, problems, success, conflicts, illness, disappointments and even the weather. You will be tested by major changes, delayed promises, impossible problems, unanswered prayers, undeserved criticism and even senseless tragedies. An important test is you can act when you can't feel God's presence in your life." I was caught in a emotional state when the book asked what is my view of life I was lost, dumb struck, simply caught within the emotions which I've been fighting I lost part of my life a few months back where I felt at the bottom It was everything I loved and gave up most of my life for it Even when life's aint going well, I knew I'll go all out to make it happy and bliss Many asked "Was it worth it or giving up what you loved for just this one?" My heart was "yes", I loved eveything about it and I'm willing to be who it wanted me to be. A few days back, the urge to move on and clicking on that mouse was an ache. Removing every detail and keeping it aside. As it was named "A beautiful memory" It was for that moment when I looked at it now. Maybe it never felt and saw what I did or would do But, it didn't matter anymore. I was not imperfect for it nor gulit stricken by the fact I was the cause of losing it maybe lies shouldn't come from it in the first place, promises from it that I would see someday In the very first place, it never started loving the way it could. Play it like a game, say the truth like it meant it. What lies within all these, were all faces of masks. Masks that people would see of characters at a play where the lead actor/actress just acted the various roles of an individual
and hurt at the very right spot. For that few moments through the numbed skin, I looked with a glance. A mistake I made. Once pierced, it'll bled again. I learn. It only took a small paragraph to make that impact, the truth, the promises and seeing through those lies. It was at that moment, the heart hurt, breath loss, tears fell, the moment I needed, the moment I felt so lost, the moment I realised. I leave God to remove the pain and the hurt.
and making me see the real truth within those lies that were once told And to a special one who's been there all these while for giving me comfort and advices being there as a friend when I lost it even till this day understanding when I'm emotional and lost giving me thoughts as a position of a friend when old memories haunt me like a piercing glass constantly making moments so special and sweet for eating lunch with me on my bed speeding down with the car just to see me in pox fully spoiling me with car rides to see my bestie. always there to hear my nonsensical craves somehow being able to find me when I'm lost at departmental stores (Yea... my merryland Esprite shops) Smiling at me after a long day at work to be proud of the MaC and Toss despite the jokes the daddy and I make opening the knob with the sexy guru of ours, what knob many might ask the hugs that keeps me strong in my emotions for sharing experiences of your life in making me see how fate plays and how time heals accepting my true feelings and thoughts loving me for who I am and not what I am the promises we have with one another mutual understanding of the trials we go through it's you and me that no need description or explaination it's a silent acknowlegement between you people
It's a endless list I would type....
but know that after each day of our different work enviroment we have, I'm cherishing each day we have, each snuggles we love, each photo we smiled and grinned, each tear we cry, each joke we laugh, each fight we experience, each fighting or biting session, each coffee breaks with our peeps and each and every moment with you.
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+*In Perfect SiLence*+
+*inteRest*!+
+*LookinG ARounD*!+
+*BoreD?*+
Click on START first, and wait till the background color changes. Once it changes, hit STOP! The addiction starts here..
+*Weren't they just memories?*!+
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*RAmblinGs oF a bEaUtiFuL LeTdoWn@ 11:04 PM*
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